Vascaínos

The other day I went to a marble workshop on Rua Bela (beneath the Linha Vermelha overpass). Coming along Avenida Brasil, I passed the place and had to turn back, making a loop from the São Cristóvão fairgrounds through São Januário Street.

Nowadays, people no longer pay attention to the route itself, only to the GPS app of their choice. It had been a long time since I had driven that way, or perhaps I simply had not been paying attention. That day I decided to rely on the traffic signs and on my own memory.

I was surprised to see an abundance of traffic signs pointing toward "Vasco da Gama."

When I arrived at the marble workshop, I commented that the access to Vasco was remarkably well signposted. The staff then informed me that the entire neighborhood had been renamed Vasco da Gama!

It was no longer the São Januário of my childhood, my youth, the place I had always known (I am now seventy-two years old!).

I immediately understood the bad luck that has been haunting Vasco's football team and said out loud: São Januário was never consulted, didn't like it, and no longer helps us. That explains everything! After a minute of complete silence in the workshop, we all let out a shout worthy of Quincas Berro d'Água:

_HHOOOLLLYYY COW!!!!! THAT'S IT!!!!

I am writing as a long-suffering supporter of the only major football club in Rio de Janeiro whose headquarters are not located in the South Zone, to ask that we immediately begin a campaign to revoke whatever law, decree, or measure made this happen and restore the vox populi: the neighborhood is called São Januário. The traffic signs, Waze, Google Maps, the orixás, Saint Sebastian, Saint Michael, Moses, Buddha, Muhammad, Marx, Engels, Lula, FHC—in short, everyone needs to be informed.

The headquarters of the glorious Club de Regatas Vasco da Gama is located in São Januário, and that is the end of the matter.

Whoever came up with this change understands nothing about the mystique of football, or is a supporter of Vasco's rivals disguised as a Vasco fan.

I heard it was Eurico. I have always thought he was a fifth columnist, a Flamengo supporter infiltrated among us.

São Januário, come back soon. We love you! Forgive these foolish ideas of those who did not know what they were doing.

Miguel Fernández y Fernández, engineer, chronicler, and columnist, member of the National Academy of Engineering and the Institute of Engineering # written in 2019mai29,  1.860 characters