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Writer's pictureMiguel Fernández

Sisters-in-law and Brothers-in-law

In the years 1962-1963, the governor of Rio Grande do Sul was Leonel Brizola, married to the sister of then-president João Goulart, whom he intended to succeed as president, but there was a legal obstacle, I believe even constitutional: the president could not be succeeded by relatives.

Since laws are not made for friends, they are for others, the phrase “Brother-in-law is not a relative, Brizola for president” was coined and spread throughout the media. The “theoretical basis” was that there was no consanguinity.

Some people took this so seriously that many marriages were affected! Suddenly, many fathers and mothers discovered that they were not even related!

It was around this time that Nelson Rodrigues got involved in the matter, creating characters for his plays that ruined the reputation of sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law in this virile Brazil and its surrounding areas, that is, in Latin America. Men and women in the “coño sur” concluded that they were also Nelson’s characters and they all unleashed their pornographic angels, their scoundrel sides, their bad-tempered sides.

All of this comes to mind because my friend Pará told me that he had met our former neighbor Edmundo at the Urca bar, drinking whiskey with his sister-in-law, a certain Léa, who was single and lived nearby. Since Edmundo was (and is) married, but lived in Leblon, Pará found their reaction suspicious, with some fright, when they saw him.

In addition, Pará thought Edmundo’s sister-in-law was, as they said at the time, fuckable. Very fuckable. In fact, according to Pará, Urca thought so. And she looked like she would want to try it too or tell everyone...

I remembered that once, while passing through São Francisco do Sul, I went to a unisex hair salon on the ground floor of the hotel. After a while, a client got up, rummaged through her purse and, as she was leaving, said loudly to another client who was getting her nails done:

_ Sister-in-law, pay for me, I forgot my wallet at home.

_ The salon was large, crowded and noisy, but there was a deafening silence, probably because most of the people knew something about those sisters-in-law among themselves, which the traveler here only guessed because of the silence that was generated.

The silence lasted until the sister-in-law who had stayed, also loudly, commented:

_ “if brother-in-law was good, he wouldn’t start with ass” _ To which, the barber who was helping me, retorted, making a grimace: _ there are controversies _ General laughter in the salon!!!

_ A friend who was with me, a literature teacher, added: _ I once went to the dictionary to see what “a handful” meant and I saw that it was what fit in your fist, in your hand, while “a mouthful” was what fit in your mouth. I didn't even want to see the meaning of brother-in-law...

More laughter. We then philosophized about the creativity of the etymology of the adjectives enfezado and coitado. That's a cultured beauty salon.

Returning to the bar in Urca, Pará told me that Edmundo, perhaps noticing his former neighbor's thoughts, signaled for him to go sit where his sister-in-law had just left and said to him:

_ Remember our old neighbor Gérson, who studied engineering?

_ The one who was the director of CEDAE (Rio de Janeiro Water and Sewage Company)?

_ That's the one! When he graduated, we happened to live in Jacarépaguá, almost neighbors, and so did his brother-in-law, Oscar. This Oscar was a very mischievous type, but Gerson tried to treat him well, because of his sister, who had chosen that. And because, at that time, his parents moved in with their daughter so as not to leave her at the mercy of the boy, they ended up paying the bills, and so on.

_ But why this Edmundo issue? (said Pará)

_ The thing is that this Oscar, right at the beginning of the marriage, to reduce expenses, started making some illegal water and electricity connections to both houses, so that the bills would be minimal. Since the scoundrel started to do too much, the marriage ended, to the general happiness of Gerson, his sister and his parents.

_ So what? Pará asked)

_ So when Oscar couldn't reach an agreement with his ex-wife (Gerson's sister) that was favorable to him, among other reprisals he reported the illegal connections to the police. Gerson, who didn't even know about the "cats" ended up being fired from CEDAE, due to the scandal of stealing water from the company itself. It seems that this Oscar disappeared, or was disappeared, we don't know exactly. Brother-in-laws are a very dangerous business! He concluded.

Pará understood that as a veiled threat. With a certain elegance, with 12-year-old whiskey, but he felt threatened if he ever looked at his sister-in-law again. Some people are very jealous, and even more so with directional jealousy.

Pará thought it best to leave Edmundo's sister-in-law behind, at least for a while. But he did his part: he told everyone that the brothers-in-law were having an affair. It was his revenge for Edmundo's "maybe" threat.

I was curious to meet Léa. I think it was her, a pretty girl with a sassy face, who I once saw at the Farinha Pura supermarket, in Marechal Cantuária, attracting the eyes of those who were there. If he wasn't, he had everything to be, let's say, a source of trouble.




Miguel Fernández and Fernández

Engineer and columnist, Jul2023,

about a conversation about brothers-in-law with Jerson and Luis Edmundo

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